I hope you’ve got your allen key ready – extreme sarcasm imminent

Instructions for use

1. Select a time where you are procrastinating or suffering from busy work induced boredom.
2. Typically, the English language is read from left to right and top to bottom. If, however, I am one day able to compose an entry that can be read both normally and bottom up from the right to left and accomplish coherency, you must write me a cheque for a million dollars.
3. Snicker/chortle/guffaw as you see fit
4. Send this blog to someone else whom you think may enjoy/roll their eyes with disdain. That’s how this whole viral thing is supposed to work, right?

I believe that honesty lays the groundwork for all relationships, and I want to instill trust in you, the reader, as we embark on this relationship together. After all, trust is the first word of the blog title. So, I’ll come right out and admit that I don’t enjoy the word blog – which for you young’uns actually is short for web log. (See how much you’ve learned already?) But I’m putting that aside as well as my preconceived notion that blogs are for emo teens or perhaps accepting defeat that somehow I’ve regressed and become just another emo kid.

So why start a blog?

Reason the first

I came across an article on talentegg.ca, which talked about creating an online brand for one’s self which can show potential employers who you really are – aside from the person who holds up a beverage in almost every Facebook photo. According to the article the blog is “a chance to thoughtfully parse out your opinion and educated insight on professionally related subjects.” I hope you’re ready for all the insight I’ve got coming you way.

Reason the second

Even though the blogosphere is seemingly supersaturated, bloggers can be plucked out of obscurity and can end up on television like Lainey and Perez Hilton. They can land book deals in the case of the Fug Girls and DABA. They can also have Holt Renfrew window displays dedicated to them like The Sartorialist and Garance Doré. I, too, dream of fame and fortune or maybe just being whisked away to write for torontolife.com or nymag.com. So if any of the ‘Vulture’ editors somehow find this, please feel free to call.

Reason the real

It is rough being unemployed. Sure, it’s a full time job trying to find a job, but sometimes you need something to keep busy and blur out the thought that you aren’t making any money. This is significantly more cost effective than drowning my sorrows out with alcohol. One needs mental stimulation and a creative outlet; I’ve decided to channel mine through writing because I can’t paint, sing or knit.

All that being said, I’d like to welcome you to “Trust me, I’m a gym major” – for days when Sudoku just isn’t enough.