FONTS! – I’M SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THEM THAT I’M YELLING IN CAPS LOCK

I’m still getting used to this whole blog thing, as much as I like order and uniformity, it doesn’t seem like I have much control over the layout of this page. And I like control far more than order and uniformity. There are only seven fonts to choose from – six, really because I think it kind of defeats the purpose to write in webdings.

Fonts: what a love story they are for me. I honestly don’t know how I came to love them so, but now they mean so much to me. I worked for a newspaper while I was in university. No, it wasn’t hard hitting investigating journalism; I worked for the humour paper instead. And now all the editors of the legitimate paper write for the Globe and Mail and I’m…here. Another fantastic career move for me, certainly well played. What we may have lacked in news, we made up for with creativity – and for me, that came in the form of fonts. Very little about that paper was uniform; each article headline got its own font to suit the nature of the article. And so maybe that’s where the love of fonts began.

Why are fonts important? Why are we even having this conversation? First off, this isn’t a conversation at all; it’s really just me rambling about my passion for esthetically pleasing things. For you see, in the appearance-obsessed culture we live in, fonts are just as important as making sure you don’t have food particles in your teeth.

Fonts are part of a brand; in fact some fonts are branded, unique if you will. Plenty of companies have their own fonts and you know them well too. I can’t think that I’m the only person who always thought the B of The Bay really looked more like G, am I? That would make it The Gay, but hey, maybe it’s up for interpretation. But at least it’s memorable, hopefully in a good way. There are plenty of businesses who don’t know what I’ll call the “font secret” and never get very far.

Maybe because I have a lot of time on my hands, I walk around downtown Toronto a lot where I can assure you that businesses litter both sides the streets. Every business needs a sign that’s how people know where you are. (Slight digression: unless you’re Kultura, Ultra or Spice Route where I guess only the in-crowds know where you are.) Being a student of research methods I know that correlation does not equal causation, but if you’ve ever looked at boarded up restaurants and other closed down ventures, I bet that have a terrible font on their sign. Whether you believe it or not, it’s all part of your perception of whether or not you get your haircut at certain salons, whether you stop in for a drink after work or keep on going. Amazing what these silly little fonts can do.

And if you think fonts aren’t important, I can tell you that there’s a movie about a font. Is there a movie about you? I didn’t think so. Ok fine, it’s a documentary, and I’m sure there could be a documentary about you because every single film major ends up trying to make “the next great documentary”. But Helvetica is both an awesome font and an awesome film. I only wish it was an option to write in for this blog. What I am glad of is that Comic Sans MS isn’t an option. If there was one font I wish to banish from every entering the public sphere, it’s Comic Sans. I liked that font when I was twelve years old, used to hand in reports in Comic Sans all the time. That’s about the only group of people who should ever do anything with that font. So if you want to run your business like a twelve year old, then by all means. This font actually inspires fiery anger inside me whenever I see that font in public. I’m sure that isn’t the most normal reaction, but I won’t trust anything with Comic Sans on the label, that’s for sure.

Do yourself a favour, take a quick look in the mirror and check your teeth and then take a look at what font you use to represent your brand. Just promise me you’ll stay away from Comic Sans, okay? I don’t want to have to unleash rage upon you.