Shiny Happy People or: How I [Haven’t] Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

In the spirit of the Oscars and the more deserving Razzie awards coming up, I would like to nominate myself for best and worst actress. Growing up in a Chinese family and as a mutually exclusive event professional, I am really good at covering up my emotions and pretending everything is okay. On the contrary, as a terrible poker player and an anti-botox individual who can still move her forehead – it is not hard to read emotion from my face. Furthermore, as a person who can very much dictate the feel of a room (I’m just that good), you can always tell when I’m off my A-game. Mostly because you’ll be able to hear yourself think without the sound of my inane anecdotes.

Ways to know I’m not at my best:

· I wore a sweater and opaque tights to a bar (sequined mini-skirt and five inch heels in check – I’m not a monster)

· I bought a pair of jeans for 80% off and the thrill of the buy just wasn't there

· I’m doing free weight reps under 15 lbs at the gym and I hate my 5 K time

· I don’t have a single international trip planned yet for this year

I have this bottle of Moet & Chandon in a decorative box that I bought in the Hong Kong airport duty free while confusedly searching for the Marc by Marc Jacobs store (which is one of those inane anecdotes I can share with you if you’re interested). I came back from my Asiatic adventure in July 2010 and I planned to pop that bottle when I got promoted or when other awesomely life altering news took place. Well – it’s been about half a year now and the box remains sealed. It used to be a beacon of something to work towards, but now it just stoically stands there sandwiched between a bottle of Jergens lotion and a box of tissues. [Upon re-examination of the latter half of this sentence makes me sound like a pubescent boy.]

Maybe it’s ennui and lack of motivation; perhaps it’s always a feeling that’s there, however cleverly clouded by the distractions of fancy-free and tumultuous lifestyle. I get bored really easily – and two things happen when I get bored: 1. I cut off my hair 2. I make self-destructive moves oftentimes with men/boys/manboys whatever they’re passing themselves off as these days. Well now since I cut off my hair, there’s only option the second left.

Every now and then I consider starting an online dating profile, as the kids these days tell me it’s all the rage. I keep sifting through pictures of myself (on Facebook naturally) and very few are really what I look like now because I keep changing my look so often and am not one of those people (surprisingly) who photographs themselves all the time. I don’t even have the attention span to start an online dating profile. As a result, I start recycling old habits, which though perhaps good for the environment – not really the solution to my current state of malaise.

For the girl who plans everything, it all feels a bit loosey-goosey. But the thing is, I already know the answers. Everything can be settled with the following 5 steps:

1. Shut up and get over yourself
2. Flee the country (temporarily) and regroup
3. Take the steps you need to reach your goals (BOD, GMAT)
4. Set deadlines
5. Pop the bottle of Moet then replace with Laurent-Perrier