Oh hi! I sometimes keep a blog. This blog had its humble
beginnings as a way to keep my mental capacities afloat while being unemployed
in 2009 after finishing my undergraduate degree in nothing special and a
contract job for a non-profit. Ick. Then it evolved into a girl about town in
her early 20s and what disasters existed in the dating world. Saucy. And now,
an astonishing six years later I find myself both employed and in a wonderful
relationship, so what do I have to blog/whine about now? I have gone from
home-schooled jungle freak to shiny Plastic to most hated person in the world
to actual human being. (Wait, I’m not
Cady Heron)
In a short time span I have heard two people in their
thirties say that they’ve seen it all. I don’t believe it for an instant. The
more I see of the world, the more ignorant I feel, as ironic as that may be. I
can’t claim I know one country extremely well, which perhaps is the hard part
of being from the second largest country in the world. I can’t even say I know
Vatican City well, having been there just once.
Perhaps what I’ve learned in the past two years is how
little in fact I do know. One friend wanted to sketch out class by class what
we’ve learned in the MBA, I’m pretty sure a lot of my pages would just have the
drawings of crickets on them to represent the sound going through my mind should I also engage in that exercise. If
only I had the skill to draw crickets. Sure I wax on a little bit about EBITDA
and distressed debt, but contrary to what some people I know believe, that’s
not very interesting.
So here’s what I actually did learn and you can figure out
if the tuition was worth it. I will accept payback period as an answer.
I like team sports
Growing up I played a lot of individual sports; I’m not
entirely sure why, maybe you’d have to ask my mom. I grew up as a runner, a swimmer, a gymanst (explains the wide shoulders) and I even played doubles badminton for a year, only to be moved to singles the following year (get your Asian jokes out of the way now). I liked
the idea of being in control of my own outcome: the pressure was mine; the win
was mine.
I chose to play touch rugby at LBS because I wanted to do
something with just women. I came from a very female dominated field so
entering an extremely testosterone-filled classroom made me want to seek better
bonds with females and I needed an outlet for all that pent up physical
aggression from listening to vacuous comments in class.
There’s something about the moment when your entire team
storms the field after you’ve won. It’s your win, even if it’s not all
yours. Catching an awkward lob pass from a link, swearing your arms aren’t
actually that long, and blowing past a defender to put the ball down over the
line for a try is a feeling of sheer joy because it not only helps you, it
helps a whole bunch of other people too. Yeah, yeah, I know, all the feels.
I’ve met an amazing group of women who show the same
tenacity on the field as they do in life. We spend most of our time together in
gym kit, so I forget that they clean up so nice sometimes. Plus, we win stuff
together. And I like winning, that hasn’t changed.
I can live with less
Maybe for my next degree I’m going to try not to be one of
the poorest people in the school, but there was no such luck this time around. One
person actually said to me in first year: “Why haven’t I seen you around in a
while? Haven’t you been on any of the treks?” Unfortunately for me, a few
hundred pounds on a weekend is indeed a lot to spend so I missed out Ireland,
Portugal, Greece, Ibiza, Russia, India, etc. Plus, I had to save money for rugby tours, duh.
I said goodbye to monthly Dermologica facials and getting
someone else to groom my eyebrows, and somehow my face is still intact and I
have manage to keep two eyebrows. Perhaps it was the former extravagances that
led to less money to spend while living in one of the most expensive cities in
the world. There was no more popping into shops on the walk home from work, the
only thing on my walk home in first year was Church Street Market and I’ll tell
you those racks of turtlenecks that fell off an M&S truck somewhere started
to look really appealing after having not bought anything in a while. Though, I
will admit a Preen, an Erdem, an Issa and some Stella McCartney did wander into
my belongings along the way, because these are London sample sales and I’m not
a monster.
I spent my last semester couch surfing and living out of one
suitcase. I now do laundry where I mix all the colours, put it on cold, and hope
for the best. A lot of people said it
was bold to keep moving around; it wasn’t really that hard, more than anything
it taught me how what wonderful and supportive friends I have. Reopening
suitcases that I had stored in someone’s flat was like Christmas Day, so
wonderful to have variety again!
I can’t have it all
Don’t get mad, but I haven’t read Lean In. I just
haven’t gotten around to it, so I hope the next few sentences don’t invoke the
ire of pitchforks from some. I am reminded by the wise words of Abraham J.
Simpson who said: “I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was.” And
that’s how I feel. I’m not sure what “it” is that I want to have or what “all” really
means. But what I have realised is that I don’t get to write my entire story
myself. My partner is a huge part of my life and our choices affect each other. As well my parents are getting older and so am I. Is this what growing up is?
I used to be afraid that I couldn’t be happy. That I would
always be chasing the next carrot, climbing the next ladder in order to keep
striving for something. Now, I think my life might be a bit more ordinary than
I initially thought. Because even if you climb the entire ladder, plenty of
people still don’t care who you are or what you do. Only you can figure out your own issues and be truly
happy, but if you let them, there are plenty of people to help you along the
way.
Perhaps I didn’t need to go to business school to find this all out, it’s certainly
not an experience I’d recommend to everyone, but I’m sure as hell glad that I
did. Tens of thousands of pounds well spent.
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