Shades of grey or valuable life lessons from Tupac Shakur

A friend of mine has told me that he thinks I’m quite resistant to change, and I’m very sure that I vehemently disagree with him. His rationale stems from the fact that I resisted getting a cell phone for so long (until second year university, which was in 2005) that I don’t like change. Other friends think that I’m some kind of archaic relic who still uses a flip phone and still manages day-to-day function without an iPhone or Blackberry. But sometimes change sneaks up on you so gradually that you aren’t really sure how it all happened and when you became the person you are today.

Allow me paint you a picture: my Thursday night was spent dressing models for a fashion show at a white tie gala in support of the Toronto Public Library Foundation; Friday at Brant House being served bottles of Grey Goose; Saturday at a condo party in St. Lawrence Market with a hired piano man and free flowing champagne and Sunday at a John Mayer concert. And my holiday Monday is being spent in an independent café on West Queen West with my laptop and a mug of fair trade tea writing my blog. Oh, but of course it is. So what does it all mean? Am I implying that my life is far more glamourous than yours? Perhaps, but only you can make yourself feel that way. Would fifteen year old Sarah try to kick twenty-two year old Sarah’s ass? Probably, but that’s okay, other than by sheer will of teenage angst, I outweigh her by quite a bit.

When John Mayer sang “Bigger Than My Body” on Sunday night I turned to my dear friend next to me and said how when this song first come out (we finally agreed that it was around 2003 when we were both in grade 11) that I never imagined I’d be there in 2010 still singing along. And that’s just it, the beauty lies in the uncertainty of life and that’s why change is the only constant we can rely on in life.

Here’s something I’ve discovered in my short time in this consciousness and through a short stint as a pseudo scientist: making naïve claims about anything just makes you look like a dumbass. In a not so distant past where I thought what I knew at the time was all there was, came some interesting, but not overly rude, awakenings. My favourite thing that I learned (and the only thing I’ve retained) in university was why it is important be critical of everything. Never take anything you read at face value; not even this blog post.

I want to soak up and learn about not just both sides of a story, but every side. I’m trying to develop a 360 point of view where I want to see where everyone is coming from other than resigning to calling everyone else a douchebag and accepting that as the go-to answer for everything. So if you’re looking for someone to spinelessly agree with you and say that the world is out to get you, then move along because that’s not bullshit I subscribe to.

I’m still a person who is ready to defend my beliefs, whatever they may be. However I feel that what I do believe in now may not always be the most conventional or popular but is founded in a more slightly more evolved, independent thought process – my own. Uninformed (dare I call them ignorant) people oftentimes see things in black and white; I feel I can say that because I used to be just like that. But as I’ve travelled different parts of the world, left the safety net of schooling, been an observer as well as a participant in the world around me, these cumulative experiences have taught me that everything is its own shade of grey. And it’s actually a brilliant thing.

Reluctant as I might be to some things, it’s not just because I’m being an asshole, because I actually relish change. The last time I refused to do something out of stubborn “principle” was never watching Battlestar Galactica; by some small miracle I think I’m still living a full life. And in life, there are so many changes that are not within our control. But for the things that I can choose to change, I want to make the best educated choice for me, not just believe what everyone else says is the latest and greatest.

So have I changed? Evidently, yes, as we all have. Have I evolved into a vapid and vacuous punter? Maybe, depends who you ask. But at the end of the day, whether you hang out with male models, bankers who bankroll bottle service, birthday girls who throw a fabulous party or the person who loves you unconditionally at a concert, just be sure you do everything in your power to truly know who you are and take the time to enjoy being whoever that is, because that’s just the way it is and things will never be the same.